If you really want to manage your anger, then this anger management tip is for you.
My journey in anger management took many years. My turning point came after one of my yearly performance review. I had aced all the key results area. But one thing stood out like a sore thumb – the control of my anger. I remember vividly on that occasion I nearly missed a long awaited promotion. My boss told me, if she were to recommend me for that promotion, I had to manage my anger.
That started my anger management journey. In my personal opinion, the most important tip I can give to a newbie is to recognize the following.
1. There is Nothing Positive about Anger
Accept the fact that there is nothing positive about anger. There is also nothing positive about expressing anger. As long as you feel anger ia a positive emotion and brings benefit, then you would not feel a need to change. After all, why would someone want to change something that brings benefit?
Some people feel that anger is constructive. They feel that when someone irritates, offends, or inconveniences them, they have the right to be angry. Somehow, they feel anger is justified. Well, it doesn't.
Accept the fact that anger is negative. Does anger bring any positive emotions?Are you happy when you are angry? Do you feel joy when you are angry? When we are angry we end up saying things we do not mean, we act irrationally. We end up regretting it later. The most important component in this anger management tip is accepting the fact that anger is negative. Then you begin a journey to correct that bad habit.
2. So, are You Saying I Should Suppress My Anger?
No, the anger management tip I am suggesting here is neither to suppress nor express your anger. To suppress is to keep. Keeping that anger is not going to do you any good. So someone who is angry and doesn’t show it doesn’t mean that person is not angry. He/she is merely not showing it. The anger is still there. It is kept. So, you can act happy yet you are angry inside. Keeping that anger makes it painful for you.
Some people advocate expressing that anger. They call it "letting it out". You commonly hear phrases like “if you do not let it out, you will blow up some day.” This anger management tip only makes it worse. This is because you are creating a bad habit of expressing it.
You get used to yelling, clenching your fist or throwing things. All it does is disperse the energy from that anger. You probably feel tired after expressing that energy, that’s all. The angry emotion is still with you. All you have done is give yourself an illusion that you have dealt with the anger.
I used to fall into this category of people. I used to yell and throw things when I am angry. But after all that, the anger I feel with a particular situation or person remains. In fact, I always regret yelling or throwing things. In the office, people are watching and judging you. It becomes very unprofessional and you lose whatever respect people have for you.
The anger management tip that also works for me is this - once you feel angry, the idea is to dissolve it. Not keeping it or expressing it. How does one dissolve anger?
One way is to recognize and be conscious of the situation that makes you angry. Then practice by visualizing the situation, looking at it from another perspective. What caused that to happen, how could you have handled it better? By doing this you not only dissolve the past anger but it also becomes a practice for you for future situations. When similar situations happen again you can look at it from a different perspective when you feel anger gushing up your head.
No anger management tip can help you change unless you are committed to it. Remember that you can do it even though it is a slow and gradual process. But take it from me, the change however small builds on the next and before you know it friends will compliment you for the positive change.
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